Ask Mama Jenn-continued
5/24/01
Dear Pee-pee pants, 5/24/01
Dearest Sean, 5/23/01
Dearest Baby Mellie, 5/11/01
Dear Scott, 5/9/01
Dearest Jamie, 5/9/01
Dear Daddy Scott, 4/28/01
Dear Loving Fan, 4/25/01
Just for fun: 4/25/01
Dear Babyt, 4/25/01
Dear Babysub, 4/13/01
Dearest Munchkin, 4/13/01
Dear Tia, 4/3/01
Dear Baby C, 3/30/01
Dear Papa, 3/30/01
Dearest JW, 3/24/01
Dearest Diaperbaby, 3/22/01
Dearest Baby M, 3/21/01
Dearest Gary, 3/16/01
Dear Mickey,
3/14/00
Dearest Baby M, 3/14/01
Dear Baby Clarence, 3/5/00
Dear Jerri, More Ask Mama Responses on next page.
Mama Jenn:
Do you think it is a good idea to wear plasticpants pants over diapers and do you think by wearing them I will get more diaper rashes
Pee-pee pants
Plastic pants are not worn for baby's comfort. Plastic pants are worn to protect Mommy's furniture and rugs as well as baby's crib bedding from leaks (both liquid and solid) from baby's diaper. If possible, baby's pants should be changed with every diaper change to keep them from becoming smelly. If baby has been soaking his dydees and making wet spots on the bedding or furniture, then by all means, baby should wear protective panties.
Diaper rashes are caused by not changing a baby's diaper immediately after baby has wet or messed in them. The buildup of ammonia from sour urine from early night wettings will be intensified by plastic pants because they don't allow the ammonia to evaporate as well as wearing only a diaper will. This can cause more frequent diaper rashes, particularly in hot weather. During the summer, baby's perspiration won't evaporate as easily, leading to perspiration rashes or prickly heat rashes as well.
In general, babies who make big pee-pees in their cloth dydees should be dressed in plastic panties to protect the furniture and bedding. If baby's poopies fall out of his dydee while he toddles across the room, he should be dressed in panties for that reason too! However, if baby has a dydee rash or prickly heat rash, he should not wear panties until his rash is all better. Is Mama being clear, pumpkin? If baby has a case of heat rash or dydee rash, his little bottom should not be diapered or pantied and left exposed to fresh air as much as possible until his rash clears up. If baby sits on the sofa, his mommy should put a plastic garbage bag over the sofa's cushion to protect it and baby should sit on several layers of cloth diapers to contain any accidents that baby has while sitting. (Note to Mommy: Be sure to fold the innermost diaper back over baby's wee-wee to keep him from squirting everywhere!)
Hugs and Kisses,
Mama Jenn
Dear Mama,
I haven been able to sleep or eat right few months. my cosin hasn't spoken to my uncle in almost three months. my cousin says i'm the only onr that she trusts in the family her mom has a drug problem i dont know what to do i'm worried.
A peroson I met about two years ago is the first person i told i wanted to be a baby i became rather close to her in a motherly kind of way. i asked her to help me find a mommy. she thought that was out of thr ordanry. the then i wrote her an email some weeks later i dont quite rememeber what it said. she said ok but how you see we don't see much of each other other then when the team gets togather to play hockey because she is from Ohio and i Pennsylvnia i told her i had a Boyfriend recently which was true at the time and is not now. then a few monthe later she found a boyfriend she was worried about what would happen i diddnt know what to say but encourage her because when i say a love her i actually do. i cant even aproch her anymore. Because i told her so much about myself. i'm very lonly all im looking for is a relationship with a loving mommy and/or daddy
Sean
It sounds like you are scared because you showed your innermost feelings about your needs to your friend/mommy and you believe that she has emotionally abandoned you or doesn't care for you now that she has a boyfriend. The fact that she worried about you when she found a boyfriend makes me think that she still cares about you, but that she may now have less time to devote to you or that she has difficulty describing her relationship with you to her boyfriend. Either way, it's her message to you that you are a lovable person. Certainly, your cousin must think you are a person who can be trusted, otherwise she would not have shared her family problems with you.
Darling, there is little you can do for your cousin except commensurate with her over her mother's drug problems and offer your sympathy. If you are a religious person, pray for your aunt.
As for your need for a loving parent, the best way to find a mommy or daddy is through personal ads. Many Websites for ABs have a personal ads section for their visitors, both our Website and DPF's Website have free personal ads sections. DPF also has a newsletter with listings for ABs looking for mommies and daddies and has a very wide readership in the AB community. You sound like a very caring, lovable person who might very easily find a daddy to love and take care of you.
Good luck in finding a loving Mommy or Daddy for yourself, Sweetiepie!
Hugs and Kisses,
Mama Jenn
Hi Mama Jenn,
I just love your column... I only discovered this website a few
days ago, and I wish I'd known about it much earlier!
Would it be all right if I asked a few questions about you? I
bet I'm not the only baby that's curious...
First, is that picture at the top of the page what you really
look like? It's so pretty!
The other question is more involved... I'd really like to know
how you came to be a mommie. You said in replies to other notes
that you were introduced to it by your husband/baby, but I'm
curious how he told you about his baby needs, what you thought
about it all at first, and how you came to be as comfortable and
happy with the role as you are.
Thanks Mama!
Melly
The picture was created by one of my ardent fans who has never seen me, so it is more than a little inexact. He did manage to capture my eyes and chin though, so on the whole, it is a close likeness. I am quite a bit older than the picture suggests, but since I don't see myself as the forty-nine year old that I am, it is very close to how I think of myself. I don't mind the silver strands that now grace my hair; because each of them was earned by worrying and caring for others.
Actually, my baby told me in a very round-about way. Many years ago, he would haunt adult bookstores at night after work looking for AR stories. I worried and objected to his late night forays, especially since every trip seemed to frustrate him a little be more, rather than satisfy his needs. I asked if I could help him and he told me the sort of story he was looking for and when he revealed that he wanted age regression stories where the protagonist ends up as a much loved baby, I offered to write some stories for him if he would stay home and not stay out all night at adult bookstores.
After a few stories, he explained more of his needs as he discovered via the Internet that he wasn't the only AB in the world. Since I've always believed that everyone remains a child at heart, I was not very surprised. I had always viewed men's infatuation with women's breasts as infantile in nature, so it wasn't terribly shocking for me to hear that some men not only wanted to nurse at mommy's breasts, but to be diapered and treated like actual babies. The more I acceded to his wishes to be babysat at times and treated like a baby, the more tractable, loving and saner he became.
My husband had gone through years of psychological and psychiatric therapy which had not helped him in the slightest. After a few hours of being mothered and pampered like a baby, his chronic depression disappeared and he was happy for the first time since he was a small child. Our mutual acceptance of his AB needs relieved the terrible debilitating guilt he had felt since he was five years old for wanting to be a baby again. The pressure that he felt to always "act like a man" lessened and was replaced by a new delight with life.
Mama hopes that she has answered your questions, Sweetheart!
Hugs, Love and Kisses,
Mama Jenn
Dear Mama Jenn,
Thank you so much for your wonderful reply! You suggestions will assist me no end; ecspecially the one about making him watch childish TV shows.. which I have already implemented. Today Mattie was being rather cranky after a hard day at work and kept acting as if it was my fault. So I took the remote control out of his hand right there and switched it from his favorite "big boy" show over to Nickelodeon which was showing a childish cartoon.. and told him to sit and watch until he had decided he could be a big boy. Within 15 minutes he was being a quiet, well behaved angel!
Aside from that - I have to tell you, I have the cutest pair of shortalls already made for him. He looks such a sweetie-pie in them when I feel he has earned a Saturday of punishment! Thanks again Mama Jenn, you probably won't post this as it is not a question but I would love to hear from you again!
Daddy Scott
It was my pleasure. In general, I do post parent's experiences if they are kind enough to answer to inform me as to whether my suggestions worked or not. Your feedback allows other parents of adult babies to make informed decisions on strategies for adult baby care. I cannot take full credit for the ideas though, it was you who reminded me of my personal rede, "If you act like a baby, you'll be treated like one." I am very glad that I was able to assist you.
Regards,
Mama Jenn
Dear Mama,
You offer great advice on washing vinyl panties but I did not see any information on the real problem, odor.
Obviously the chlorine bleaches are out and so is hot water.
Do you have any experience with the incontinant appliance cleaners?
Or maybe vinigar?
Love,
Jamie Lee M.
Redlands, CA
You are right, chorine bleaches are much too harsh for vinyl pants. A good deodorizing solution for dirty stains can be made from ordinary baking soda. Simply put a few tablespoons in a plastic (not metal) bucket with some warm water and let the plastic pants soak in the solution for a few hours, then rinse them in the sink and handwash with a few drops of mild dishwashing detergent for stains. (See my article on how to care for baby pants in our AB Care and Resources section to properly dry the pants.) You can virtually eliminate the odor of baby's poopies by before he poops by giving him a product called Nullo(r) according to the directions on the container. These chlorophyll-based tablets eliminate the embarrassing odor of baby's poopies in public at the source, so deodorizing dirty pants later isn't necessary. Nullo(r) is carried by most Health food stores and are routinely used by people with bowel incontinence.
Pants with a strong ammonia odor can be treated with a few tablespoons of white vinegar (acetic acid) in a bucket of warm water. Ammonia is highly alkaline as are poopies and can be neutralized with a mild acid. After treatment, rinse and wash as in the directions above.
Note: NEVER allow plastic pants to come in contact with non-enameled or non-porcelainized metal as this will damage the chemical structure and strength of the vinyl or plastic!
Love and Kisses,
Mama Jenn
Greetings Mama Jenn,
May I say what a pleasure it is to read your wonderful advice column - it is always an source of great help and enjoyment.
I would like to tell you about my situation. I am the "daddy" of a 21 year old male, who play acts toddler age 2/3 years. We are not constantly in role, but we always have a close loving relatiionship and live happily together.
A big part of our scene is punishment and disclipline. By this, we play the game that if the boy misbehaves or disobeys, he is punished by being treated like a toddler. He likes nothing better than when I am firm and dominating with him - although he will pretend to hate it by kicking, sceaming and crying! Punishments range from being given a bath, to being made to wear a footed sleeper with a duck on it, and it all runs by the theme "act like a toddler - get treated like one!" It really is a lot of fun, and the best punishment of them all is him being put to bed early in a thick diaper and I leave him kicking and crying in his bedroom, safe in the knowledge that he is really enjoying himself. We also have a full size adult crib which I assign him to on nights of punishment!
My, I have really rambled on! I suppose my question to you is, are there any more great ways to punish a naughty toddler - ones that we have not used before and will therefore suprise him when I spring them on him! Thanks so much for your time Mama Jenn! I look forward to a reply!
Daddy Scott
What a delightful game! Let's see...,
1. How about a little corner time (time out)? Go to the thrift store and get a very low, solidly-made, backless bench or single step-stool suitable for a toddler. Have him sit on the bench with his knees bent and legs folded backward (to make it impossible to get up without your help.) Paint a red circle on the wall (with a washable marker, of course) at nose height. Have him keep his nose in the circle for the entire period of his corner time or time out. Play nursery rhymes or music in the background to give him a more intense baby experience. Naturally, you will have to diaper him first, so baby doesn't have any accidents while he is doing corner time. If he does have an accident, he'll have to wear diapers the rest of the day and that night.
2. If baby is being too talkative and interrupts adults while they are talking, a binkie (pacifier) is in order.
3. Overindulging in alcohol or food might require a baby bottle full of medicine (flavored liquid magnesium citrate - available over-the-counter at most pharmacies), followed by a few bottles of formula and a large lunch consisting solely of seeded watermelon. Be sure to diaper baby in an overnight diaper with a diaper doubler (or two) and put him in plastic pants first before you give him his medicine. The magnesium citrate will cause him to have an uncontrollable, cramp-free, bowel movement within a half-hour to six hours maximum. Watermelon is a natural diuretic which will cause him to pee heavily. Be sure baby is wearing his bib when he eats his watermelon. If he's been drinking beer, be prepared for a flood both fore and aft.
4. Don't allow him to watch his favorite shows on television. Instead, make him watch "Teletubbies", "Rugrats", "Barney", "Sesame Street", "Arthur", "Dragon tales", Veggie Tales", "Blues Clues", etc. While he is watching, he must sit on the floor with his blankie, binkie, tippy cup/baby bottle and baby toys. You may also rent low priced toddler's video tapes from your local video tape store to fill in the gaps. This can be combined with the treatment given in idea number five.
5. Put him on a toddler's schedule for a day. He should be up at 7:00AM and diapered, fed a bottle at 7:30AM, eat breakfast at 8:00AM, play until he needs to be changed and put down for his morning nap at 10:00AM, be woken at 12:00PM, have another bottle or tippy cup at 12:30 after his diaper change (if needed), be fed a toddler lunch at 1:00PM, play until 3:00PM, when he is put down for his afternoon nap. Then wake him at 5:00PM, given another bottle or tippy cup at 5:30PM, play until dinner at 6:30PM, then given his bath at 7:00PM and then diapered before being put to bed for the night at 8:00. (Read him a bedtime story if he's been good.)
6. Serve Gerber toddler foods to him for din-din. Make him wear a bib and force him to eat with his fingers. If going out to a drive-in, order a "Kid's Happy Meal" for him and bib him. He can drink out of a baby bottle or tippy cup - your choice.
7. Slap the back of his hand lightly and say, "No, no! Not for baby!" if he attempts to touch delicate, expensive or adult objects around the house to humiliate him by treating him like a real toddler.
8. Give him a short, baby-style haircut. Since this is in style, it won't be noticeable outside the house, but will contribute to his baby looks while he is in diapers.
9. Buy him some adult-sized, Oshkosh Bib-style shortalls with snap-legs at the legs and crotch for easy diaper changing.
I hope these ideas help! Have a good time with your little one!
Regards,
Mama Jenn
Dear Mama Jenn,
Have been trying to read your stories,but
this web site says they are not here.
I love reading your stories and am very
frustrated,and hope you can help.
a loving fan
Thank you for letting us know the stories were not working. The site just went through a changeover to get rid of the annoying popup ads, There was a small error and it is now fixed so the stories are back. We appreciate being told when things are not working on the site. We want the site to be the best it can be.
Thanks again,
BabyLover (webmaster)
A reader send in this URL for a Dirty Diaper Dancing page. It's so cute that I thought that I'd share it:
http://www.flowgo.com/refer/redir.cfm?page_id=5332&d=04-23-01
Love,
Mama Jenn
Hi mama Jenn,
I am an AB in calgary canada. I wear disposable diapers in the day an cloth with plastic panties at night. I would love to find a mommy or daddy in my area that would treat me like a 2 year old. Just how many of us are there in the world and is there something wrong with us. Please write me back.
babyt
There are an estimated 10,000 ABs in the world, although Mama is quite sure that there are many more that official estimates guess. I know that there are quite a few in Canada and many mommies and daddys in Canada who would like to adopt an Adult toddler. If you wish to find a mommy or daddy, place some ads in some AB personal adds sections of some AB Websites such as ours and DPFs. Many mommies and daddies enjoy taking care of Adult 2 year olds, so it is a good roleplaying age to adopt. And no Darling, there is nothing wrong with being an AB. It is considered a harmless psychological variation by the APA (American Psychological Association) with no need for treatment unless the patient is disturbed over his variation - And then therapy is centered on adjusting to being an AB is recommended.
Good luck on finding a Mommy or Daddy!
Love and Kisses,
Mama Jenn
Dear Mama Jenn,
When I met the man who is now my Daddy, I had never used diapers before. I weren't into infantilism either. But He liked to wear diapers (he's not a baby though) and he wanted me to wear them to.. after a couple of months I agreed to try them on. Now I love the diapers, and I've discovered that I'm an infantilist too. The thing is that i hate seeing my daddy in diapers. It makes me wanna cry. I feel unsecure and sad everytime he wears them. When I tell him this, he gets very, very sad.. 'cause he can't stop wearing them.
What can I do? I love my Daddy.. I don't wanna leave him because of this.. His is not only my daddy, he is also my Master.. maybe thats why it's so hard for me to see him in diapers?
Please give me an advice Mama Jenn!
PS: You'll have to excuse my english.. I'm from Norway anf english is'nt my strongest side :o)
*hug* from babysub
Mama can understand how unnerving it must be to see your big, strong Daddy in diapers. Mama understands that you expect that Daddy should be a big, strong man who can care for you and protect you and that his diapers make you feel insecure. On the other hand, your Daddy has a right to wear diapers too, if he wants to. Baby doesn't have the right to ask him to stop wearing them if they give Daddy pleasure. Mama suggests a compromise. When you are in your baby role, Daddy should wear a long robe or sweatsuit to cover his diapers so you can't see them. When Daddy is dressing, bathing or taking care of personal hygiene, he can wear diapers as openly as he likes. Baby has no right to intrude on Daddy's privacy at those times in any case. Darling, since you wear and enjoy diapers so much, how can you deny your Daddy the same pleasure? As long as he's not parading them around the house when you are in baby mode, then there shouldn't be a problem. Tell him the same things you told me and offer to compromise so your adoring image of him as a big, strong Daddy isn't marred by the sight of his diapers when you are in baby mode. If both of you are willing to compromise a little bit, everything should work out.
Love and Kisses,
Mama Jenn
Mama Jenn,
I am married and my wife has known about my diaper fetish since before we were engaged (honesty up front saves heartbreak later). She is supportive and has fun playing diaper games, but cannot understand what I really desire.
She does not understand that diapers are a form of control, and that in order for our play to be the most fun she has to "make" me wear diapers and use them. She is OK with the control part, but is not physically strong enough to restrain me. We get into an impass since she cannot make me wear diapers, and voluntarily wearing diapers defeats the whole game. Also I am embarrased when she tells me to wear diapers so this too adds to the chicken or egg problem.
Do you have any ideas on solving this conundrum? Thank you for your time.
Munchkin
Have you ever seen a sixty-year-old, gray haired teacher look up into the rebellious eyes of a strapping, six-foot tall, football player/student and tell him to "Sit down immediately and behave yourself!"? I have. It was an enlightening experience. Control is mental, not physical.
What you lack is the proper cues to give your wife/mommy the appropriate aura of power. For example, relative height is a nearly universal mammalian cue for dominance. Your mommy need not be taller than you, rather you must be in a position where you must look up to see her. Crawling on one's knees will produce the difference in height as will laying on one's back or sitting on the floor before her. Re-enactment of childhood memories of your mother's clothing and comportment can be very powerful cues. Did your mother frequently wear an apron at home when you were little? Did she bake frequently and always smell like vanilla? Use of props or costume accessories to remind you of your babyhood and your mother can be a big help.
A firm voice (No, no! Bad baby! Don't touch!) and a slap on the back of your hand can cause your subconscious to instantly regress into early childhood. Shame and embarrassment can also cause temporary behavioral regression. Do you ever wet your adult clothes? Certainly that's embarrassing enough, but if she unbuckles your belt and allows your pants to fall to half-mast as she leads you waddling into the bathroom for a quick clean up in the tub, you may find the embarrassment coupled with your difficulty in walking in pee-soaked clothes that make you walk like a toddler make you feel helpless. A quick once over your baby pee-pee with a soapy wash cloth in the tub while making disparaging comments about how much you're like a baby should shame you into an inability to resist on an adult level. After she's toweled you dry, and told you what a mess you've made of your clothes, you will be happy to be led back to be redressed, especially if she hurries you with a lovingly, light swat on your bare bottom.
The diapering can easily made into a surprise. She can have you lay on your side on the bed while she "finishes" drying your back off so you won't make the bed wet. She can slip the diaper beneath you and have you lay on your back while she dries your pubes. A minute later, she can be pulling the diaper up between your legs and fastening them. If you resist, she might remind you that it is customary for women who've just had a baby to have a baby shower. If you don't stop resisting, she may threaten to have her friends over for coffee to show them ALL of your baby things before she plans a surprise shower with you as the center of attention.
Darling, baby play is just that, play. You and your wife are role-playing. You can't expect her to be so tall that your head barely reaches her mid-thigh, nor can you expect her to use physical force to diaper you. You need to think about what makes you feel helpless and how she can be perceived as more powerful by you, then sit down and discuss it with her when you are in adult mode. Being a baby is not about force, but about dependence on a more powerful figure. A maternal frown of disapproval, a slap on the back of your hand with a motherly disapprobation in a tone one would use with a small child should be enough to establish who is the adult and who is the baby in the family.
Diuretics and laxatives can be used to cause the initial "accident". (Note: Don't use Senna-based laxatives, the cramps they cause are painful and not at all like what a baby feels. Use Milk of Magnesia instead.) If the dosage is high enough, you will wet and mess your clothes and your diapers whether you wish to or not, especially if you drink a lot of juice from a baby bottle. Get a 2 liter plastic soda bottle container converter and an adult-sized nipple from DPF. After taking both laxatives and diuretics, two or three liters of prune juice and several large snacks of watermelon will make your bladder and bowels impossible to control. She won't have to order you to mess or wet yourself, because your body will make the decision for you. You will probably find yourself doing the Pee-Pee dance until your bladder sphincter gives way. Locking diaper pins and locking plastic panties will insure that there won't be any second thoughts on your part or any way for you to escape. Your mommy will keep the keys safe until she determines that it's time to change your messy and soggy diaper.
You are very, very lucky to have such an understanding wife. Once she understands that you should be treated like either an infant or toddler in every way, she will begin to assert herself and take control of the baby you want to be. She will probably have several good ideas of her own as she becomes accustomed to the role of a firm, but loving mommy.
Hugs and Kisses,
Mama Jenn
Mama Jenn
I am new to being an mommy to my AB(babygirl)she really wants to nurse the way a real baby does,and suck on them the way a real baby,so how do I position myself and my baby so it is as real as possible and how does she need to nurse,I mean what does she need to do,thanks.Ive never had kids so I dont know,and I ve only been w/men who suck on my breast in a sexual way,but she wants to do it the way babies do,also how long on each breast.
Tia
There is an article in our AB Care and Resources section about how to begin breast-feeding an adult. To breast-feed an adult while sitting, I'd recommend putting a thick pillow on your lap and across your arm to raise the baby's head so she can reach your nipples easily. Another method would be to nurse your baby while laying down in bed. The latter is probably the most comfortable of positions for both baby and mommy. Mommy lays on her side while baby does the same, facing mommy's breasts. Once both mother and baby are laying down, it is easy to place a pillow to underneath baby's head to elevate it slightly for the most comfortable feeding position. This position allows the baby to hold the breast and make kneading movements to stimulate both milk production and secretion.
Nursing is accomplished by taking the nipple and aureole in the mouth, raising the tongue to make an airtight seal and then sucking with one's cheeks while swallowing the jets of warm milk that are produced. Kneading the breast gently with the hands increases the milk flow by moving the milk in the deeper regions of the breast into the area beneath the nipple.
After you have begun lactating, your nipples will become enlarged and tender, so limit the period of suckling at each pap to between 5 to 10 mins (maximum). There are various creams and lotions on the market for breast-feeding mothers which should help relieve the discomfort from tender nipples. Breastfeeding should be an emotionally and physically satisfying experience for both baby and Mommy! While your milk production won't be as lavish as a mother who has just born a babe, you should be able to provide an adequate amount of milk to satisfy your older baby's needs.
I think that both of you will be surprised at how pleasurable breastfeeding is.
Good luck with your new baby!
Mama Jenn
hi mama Jenn
My quetion is my sister in law knows I wear diapers and likes to play baby. Is there a way I can talk her into baby sitting. She seems at eas about it, i just need some ideas if you have any.
Thank you
Baby C
How does your wife feel about the idea? If she is against it, you could destroy your marriage. If she is in favor of your sister-in-law babysitting you, then she will probably be your best ally. After reading my reply, discuss the idea in detail with your wife and if she agrees, invite your sister-in-law out to dinner with you and your wife. Make reservations at a restaurant to be seated in a nice, quiet, out-of-the-way booth so you can have some privacy. Sit beside your wife and have your sister-in-law sit next to her on the other side. Have a nice dinner together and don't mention your proposition until everyone has finished eating. Order your after dinner drinks and ask the waiter not to disturb you for ten minutes after the drinks are served, then tip him or her at that time.
Next engage your sister-in-law with a conversation similar to the following script (Change the script into your own words and then memorize them beforehand). Be sure to look directly into your sister-in-law's eyes, and occasionally look into your wife's eyes to capture and hold your audience. If you have a predilection for talking with your hands, use them! Don't be stiff or uncomfortable looking. Act without embarrassment, but don't be melodramatic. Be yourself. Quiet sincerity works best:
(Sister-in-law's name), Can we talk about something personal just between the three of us? [Allow her to agree before continuing.] Good! I want you to know that your friendship is very valuable to me and that I wouldn't want anything to jeopardize it.
You know, (SIL name) people unwind and relax from stress in different ways. Some people use alcohol, others gamble and others use drugs. I know that you are well aware of how I unwind and how innocent my method of relaxing is. My problem is that (wife's name) gets very busy at times and it's unfair of me to ask her to drop everything so she can look after me when I'm relaxing. We were thinking that what I really need is a babysitter for those occasions when (wife's name) is too busy to help me relax from the stress from my job. I've talked to (wife's name) and she said it was okay for me to ask you if you would consider coming over to be my babysitter on occasion.
[Turn your head and look directly into your wife's eyes for agreement. After she agrees, continue.] I need someone who can relate to me as a baby rather than an adult for a few hours. We were thinking that perhaps you could come over on a Saturday afternoon when (wife's name) needs to go shopping for three or four hours, and you could babysit me just exactly as if I were (wife's name)'s baby.
Since you'd be babysitting, of course we would be happy to pay for your time. There won't be anything more to it than babysitting any other baby - except that the baby is bigger. Since the baby is bigger, the babysitting money will be correspondingly higher. I know that your Saturdays are valuable too, but this would give you an opportunity to have a bit more money "tucked away" for "rainy days" or holidays.
[If the sister-in-law is single] Or perhaps I could do some handyman work on your (house, apartment or car) or some other favor for you in return.
If the idea interests you, (sister-in-law's name), I'd like you to ask (wife's name) or me all the questions that you can think of. And if you're comfortable with a trial run, then we can schedule some time in the next week or two. Perhaps the best way would to work out a time with (wife's name), so she can be present for the first babysitting session and show you where the baby things are and what she does for me... It isn't much really, just the same sorts of things that any baby needs. More than anything, I just need to have someone look after me to give me my bottle or feed when I play with my toys on the floor or take my nap. Afterwards, you and (wife's name) can work out the times when she needs you to babysit.
I want you to think of this as merely helping out (wife's name) by babysitting for her. How does that sound to you?
(Wait for her response. If you speak first, she may change her mind. Let her come to her own decision. She will either immediately agree, turn you down or start asking questions. The presence of your wife will convince her that everything is Kosher and above board. Since she is already at ease with your diapers, she will at least be polite if she turns you down.)
Good Luck with talking your sister-in-law to be your babysitter! She sounds like a good candidate. If your wife agrees, you've got a great chance of working it out!
Hugs and Kisses,
Mama Jenn
Mama Jenn
I have a baby girl (girl freind) every thing is good but i have one problem. When i change her she likes to fight it. She crys, yells, moves around alot. Is this normal or does this fall under a fetish forced diaperen. Im new at being a papa and would like your advice
Papa J
It does sound as if she is replaying a time when she was forced to wear diapers when she didn't want to wear them. At some point in a baby's life, a baby will protest being diapered for the simple reason that she either wants to be naked or that she thinks that she's too big to be diapered. Usually, this behavior begins to occur at around age two.
On the other hand, most babies will fidget, wriggle and squirm during a diapering if not distracted. Hanging a musical, battery-powered mobile over her head and out of reach of her hands may distract her and calm her down. Giving her a baby massage while playing lullabies before the diaper change may help by making her too comfortable and drowsy to fight the diaper change. You will find instructions on how to give a baby massage in the Baby Care resources section of this Website.
If you really want to know whether she's reliving a particular moment of her babyhood when she was forced to wear a diaper, you should ask her when she's in adult mode.
Good luck with your baby girl!
Mama Jenn
Mama Jenn
well i have told my wife about likeing to wear diapers but i cant get her to let me wear them she is a fraid that i will no beable to controll when i have to go to the bathroom do you have anything that will help
JW
The first thing that comes to mind is all the requests that I get from Adult Babies who were diapers and want to wet/mess in them uncontrollably and can't. Honey, your potty-training doesn't disappear the minute you wear diapers. Unless one has a medical condition, or already has bladder or bowel control problems, there shouldn't be any problem. If you decided to wear and use diapers for their intended purpose for every day for six months, you would probably have to be potty-trained again. This is not an infrequent occurrence for acutely ill patients who temporally lose control while in the hospital. In your case, the odds of your loosing control spontaneously and semi-permanently after wearing diapers are practically nil.
Hugs and Kisses,
Jenn
Mama Jenn,
Where do mommies get their powers to be able to put their little man into dypees at any time?
And if mommies have so much power, why don't they rule the world?
-db
Sweetheart, the first thing a baby learns is how much he or she loves his or her mommy. Diaper changing is an especially welcome event because baby is lovingly touched and caressed as his mommy wipes his pubes and bottom clean and then gently massages some nice soothing lotion into the skin around the area of the diaper change to prevent dydee rash. All the while, his mommy talks in a soothing tone of loving baby talk to her baby to communicate her love for him. Then mommy lightly dusts her baby with a bit of baby powder to make him smooth and sweet smelling as she finishes putting baby in a fresh, dry, soft diaper. At the end of the diaper change, babies most always get picked up and cuddled by their mommies. Naturally, baby enjoys mommy's touch and all the nice things she has done for him.
In many ways, diapering is a presaging behavior for later sex with a woman (who might be a symbolic or mommy figure). There is intimate contact, cuddling, soft loving words, and pleasurable sensations as well as a baby powder scent that might later become a powerful triggering mechanism for pleasure.
When baby gets older, even though he may not consciously remember having his diaper changed, but he may subconsciously remember how pleasurable it was. That is why it is not unusual for many young schoolchildren of age four to seven to sometimes try to get their mommy's to put them in diapers again.
Some babies, who quite big, still have a need to be babied. There is an old saw that you can't go home again. That saying cannot be more untrue. None of us ever truly leave home, because the memories of our homes are permanently part of our personalities. We carry around our home in our heads. The adult baby who did not mature because there was something lacking in his babyhood, is still a baby, no matter how old he becomes.
The ultimate defining difference between a young child and a baby is the presence of a diaper. When a strong woman comes along to an adult baby and says, "You're only really a baby, aren't you?" and proceeds to diaper the big baby, he can't resist his own inner need to be diapered and loved like when he was much younger.
Sweetbottoms, it isn't so much a matter of a woman having so much power as an older baby being very willing (sometimes secretly to himself) to surrender to what he really wants.
Pumpkin, mommies already rule the world. I don't mean politics or big business, but they control most of the families' earnings, feed everyone, give out chores, select clothes (even for their husbands), pay the bills, make sure everyone bathes, do the laundry, bear and raise children and take care of the house as well as in many cases, work a separate job of their own. They rule the home, which in the long run, is the only real world. Everything else is men playing with each other. Women are busy enough with their own responsibilities to try to take over a man's world.
Mama hopes this clarified matters for you!
Hugs and Kisses,
Mama Jenn
Mama Jenn,
I'm more confused than ever. I read what Mickey said and what you said back. Am I DID? Am I am baby? If all this is 'normal' for an AB, what else should I expect?
After I wrote you, I wore my dypees at night every night but one for a week. Twice I wet my dypees while I slept. But things just really seemed to get out of hand. I spent every night on the net looking at AB stuff, downloading stories, etc. I found it hard to pee in my dypees standing up - I had sit, or better yet, get down on all fours. Then last Saturday, I went and bought pacis, babas and formula. The whole nine yards. Not the first time I've done that, but the first time in years. I got all diapered up and had bottles out and ready and everything. Then I got upset at myself. It was just too much, I'd gone too far. I'm not a baby and it was consuming my life! So put it all away under lock and key (but didn't throw it away.)
I tried so hard to give up my dypees, Mama Jenn. Really I did. But I just couldn't. I just love my dypees too much. I love how they feel, the noise they make, and how I feel in the morning wakinp up in them. I've never felt quite like this about my dypees before. So here I am once again in VERY thick dypees (already wet), with a paci in my mouth. Dinner was 2 babas of formula and 2 babas of juice. I'm writing you to ask what's next? I admit a small part of me desperately wants to be a baby, and to be babied forever and ever. Sometimes, though, all I want is to enjoy my dypees from time to time, but not have it dominate my time like it is now. Then sometimes I think it's all just a substitute for a meaningful relationship and sex, and if I had a woman in my life right now, most if not all of this would go away.
Am I sick? Do I need therapy? What's going on with me???
Baby M
Mama has a policy of posting all letters, unless they don't meet her guidelines. Mama did not intend that you should apply the letter to yourself.
Sweetheart, a diagnosis of DID is really not important. You are a "normal" adult baby. Let's look at what you did for a few minutes. After reading my reply that it was okay to be an adult baby, you went out and splurged on baby items. Was this wrong? No, Darling, it was perfectly natural that you should do so. Then your "guilt monster" attacked and you locked everything up. (But you were a good baby and didn't throw it all out. You followed Mama's advice exactly. Good Baby!) Did the attack of the "guilt monster" mean that you are crazy? No, sugar, most ABs are subject to frequent guilt attacks.
Baby, it's not being an AB that's consuming you, but your inner fears. You are terrified of having an AB side and letting it free, no matter how much you love your diapers. Mama says that it's okay to be a baby sometimes, Sweetiepie!
Darling, you are not sick, nor can therapy do anything more than what I'm trying to do, i.e. make you accept the baby within you and be happy with yourself.
Pumpkin, if you marry, you will still feel the need to be a baby from time to time. This doesn't preclude marriage, but it means that you must be honest with your wife-to-be so she will understand that you have a *special need* to be comforted and to be allowed to regress and wear diapers from time-to-time.
Honey, accept yourself and the baby within you and your need to play baby will diminish. The harder that you fight it, the stronger your need will be. There is nothing wrong with wearing diapers and wetting them. Once you accept yourself as both an adult and a baby, your baby side will calm down and need less frequent role playing episodes.
Take care of yourself, Sweetbottoms! Mama loves you!
Mama Jenn
Dear Mama Jenn
You may not be able to answer this question, but here goes. I am a semi-retired minister (59) who is very much into being an ABy. I would like to enhance my browser to listen to the audio portion of your great website. I have a new iMac, version 9 (?). Which one would you suggest?
Thanks so much. I have browsed through your questions and answers that follow and am impressed with you, your loving, accepting, compassionate nature - as well as your wisdom. My emphasis in seminary was in pastoral care & counseling with a lot of post grad. work in marriage & family counseling.
You are doing GREAT! Keep up the good work!
Gary
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your warm praise! I am deeply flattered to be lauded by someone of your training and years of experience in counseling others. I often receive emails thanking me for my advice from individuals whom I've advised, but I constantly worry about the fate of those who never give me any feedback. I care about my babies deeply and wish them to know that being an AB is not sinful, nor immoral. Adult babies merely want to return to the state of innocence in which they were born and to be unconditionally loved. Sometimes adult babies behave foolishly, but then that is the right of all babies of any age. Those of us who love them, know that babies are silly at times. But then, aren't we all? Real maturity is the understanding that there is a baby, child, teenager and adult in all of us which need to be nurtured and loved.
My personal knowledge of computers is limited to IBM clones, but I will do my best to help you answer your question. I assume that you either have a problem with your iMAC ver 9.0 is that you cannot read wav files or that the executable for the Mother Goose Nursery Songs won't work.
If you have a problem with wav files, it may be caused by a known bug in the Quicktime 4.0 version when streaming audio files with version 8.6 or later. The solution is posted at:
http://www.cait.org/osrc/mastering/quick_time.shtml
If this doesn't work, Mama suggests that you contact either Quicktime or Apple technical support.
Hugs and Kisses,
Mama Jenn
Mama Jenn:
Your 3/14 response to Baby M struck me because of the disassociative aspects. We are DID diagnosed (no big deal really) and our experience is that when diapers are on diapers are appropriate and guess whose home--someone who needs diapers. The quick point is that continence is very much a case of who you are and whether one is awake or not, the diapers draw the appropriate response. This may sound crazy :-) but I thought Baby M's experience was quite natural and he ought not be concerned that when he does not have on diapers (i.e. acting out in the vernacular), he does not (and will not) pee-pee but that when he has diapers on he will pee-pee. The cause is not the diapers the cause is who he is. I hope this is not too confusing because it seems soooo logical (and real) to me. The important point is to be at peace with who you are when you are. I have his experience all the time and it is manageable. I love your site (as you know).
Mickey
Baby M's experience may indeed be indicative of a case of DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), however, I am conservative in my opinions and don't wish to further frighten an already concerned reader. I thought his enuresis was natural and appropriate as well, but for Baby M's sake, I could not absolutely rule out the other causes I mentioned. I am well aware that it is a common experience for an AB, but did not wish to give bad advice by not covering the other possible causes. If Baby M does have a medical condition, he needs medical care. There are a number of medical conditions that can cause enuresis, so they should not be dismissed out-of-hand. If his enuresis is confined to diapers only, then he can be safely assured that his subconscious has accepted this minor regressive behavior within the context of his assumed role as a diapered baby as good for him and that he should not be concerned.
You will note that the entire tone of my reply was one of be calm, don't worry, just wait and see what happens. While I agree that DID is not a psychological condition to be feared, someone who is already concerned about single nighttime wetting incident should not be agitated with thoughts that they are psychologically unbalanced. I am rather sure that Baby M discovers that he only wets himself at night if he's wearing diapers, which is perfectly normal for an AB. Like you, I believe that being at peace with yourself is paramount. However, to be at peace, one's fears must first be assuaged with compassionate understanding and acceptance as well as the assurance that everything is okay. In short, he needed a virtual maternal hug and calm, motherly assurance that everything would be alright.
Hugs and Kisses,
Mama Jenn
Dear Mama Jenn,
I've been a sporadic diaper wearer for years. But two nights ago, something happened. I wet my diapers while I was asleep. That's never happened before. I've worn diapers to bed plenty of times, but always woke up dry. Until now.
My problem is I feel both scared and excited all at the same time.
On the one hand, I have that excitement of like, wow, cool, I actually wet my diapers like a baby. Every AB's dream - one step closer to babyhood. And, to be honest, it makes me feel better about wearing diapers. I mean, if I actually might need to wear diapers, then that means it isn't so much about wanting to wear them. Kinda takes the decision-making part out of it, so I don't have to think about why I would otherwise decide to wear them.
On the other hand, I'm worried. What if I keep wetting at night? That would mean I'd have to wear diapers every night. EVERY night. Go on a trip, have to pack diapers. Etc. I'm not sure it'd be as fun as I think it is. And what if I'm dating someone and it gets serious? I'd have to tell her the first night we spend together that I wear diapers to bed. I know I'm not ready for that. And what if I started wetting during the day?!
So I'm confused. Part of me is excited. Part of me is scared. Right now, the scared part has been winning. I haven't worn diapers since that night (and so far I've stayed dry, thank heavens). I'm wondering if wetting was just a response to the stimulus of diapers, like I'll only wet at night if I'm wearing diapers, that my mind will know the difference and tell my body what to do. (I do remember a vivid dream that night involving wetting, and sure enough, I woke up wet!)
Tonight's going to be the first night since then that I've worn my diapers, though. I don't know what's going to happen. And I don't know what I'll do if I wake up wet again.
Baby M
If you pee in your sleep only when you wear diapers, then I think that you've had a wish come true. It's rare for an adult to spontaneously lose nighttime control of their bladder unless they are ill, under medication or are drunk. The fact that you were dry the next night is hopeful.
If you start wetting every night and/or during the day, I would seek medical attention to make sure that you are not ill in some way - because it would be highly likely that you have a disease or condition like hyperactive bladder condition (which is treatable) which has caused loss of nighttime control. If you do have an illness and it is untreatable (unlikely, but possible), then you will simply have a medical handicap which you will have to explain to your future sexual partner.
Most likely, your subconsciousness decided to play along with the game and wet the diaper. It's possible that you may never wet yourself in your sleep again. It's also possible that you may wet yourself infrequently while wearing diapers from now on.
Mama advises baby to stay calm and don't worry. Worry itself can make you wet while you sleep. If baby only wets himself while in diapers, then baby should be very pleased with his good luck. If baby is ill, then a doctor can most likely help you. If baby is ill and a doctor can't help you, then you have a perfectly good excuse to wear diapers all the time. (If it is an incurable condition, make sure that the doctor thoroughly documents it so that you are legally protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act to protect your job.) It is not at all unusual for people with bladder and bowel control problems to become adult babies in order to cope with their medical incontinence. On the other hand, isolated incidents of bedwetting are not unusual for the entire adult population. It may never happen again.
Mama suspects that nothing at all is wrong and the combination of the dream and your subconscious's knowledge that you were diapered caused you to wet. Relax and take a wait and see attitude. No matter what happens, you'll be able to adjust to it because you are an adult baby.
The important thing is that baby should not get excited or worried about what will happen in the future. Enjoy your good fortune and don't get upset about your single nite-nite accident. It was fun waking up wet, wasn't it?
Hugs and Kisses,
Mama Jenn
Mama Jenn
My little bottom is sore from nappy rash what would you put on it?
Clarence
Mama Jenn received your question so often that she wrote an article about it and put in our AB Care and Resources section. The title is "Diaper Powder, Baby Oil, Baby Lotion, and Diaper Rash" If you haven't got an infection, live alone and it's possible to go nakey in your apartment or house in the evenings, then try to doff your clothes and nappies to allow your skin to keep dry. If you do have a yeast infection, then wear loose cloth diapers without plastic pants in the evenings to allow your little hiney to stay as dry as possible. If you have a yeast infection, you must be careful not to contaminate yourself and your house with the spores. Instructions for determining whether you have an infection or not is covered in the article.
Mama is sorry her little lambkins has a sore bottom and hopes it will feel all better soon.
Hugs and Kisses,
Mama Jenn
Mama Jenn,
Let me just say a big "THANK YOU" for the many bits of help and advice that you have given to all of us mommies and babies, through your column. Thank you for your willingness to be so giving.
Currently, I'm trying to figure out how I could best integrate an afternoon nap into my toddler boy's (age 30), Cody, daily schedule. What I'm most concerned with is him being able to still do most of the things he needs/wants to do during the day without his sleep schedule being totally overhauled. Let me explain Cody's daily schedule and that might give you an idea of how and where to manage his time. My apologies if this is long and drawn out.
:)
I wake Cody up at 6:00 AM, remove his diaper, take him to the bathroom and wash him up for the day. After drying him off him off, Cody is dressed in training pants and other clothes for the day. While he
watches his baby videos in the living room I'm making his breakfast (usually a bowl of Cherrios and a sippy cup of formula i.e. Ensure). Even at this stage of the day Cody is still somewhat drowsy, but is slowly
waking up. After breakfast, I clean him up and then we brush his teeth. I then put him on the potty for 5 minutes to do his business. He is then off to for nursery school i.e. work at 7:00 AM. Thankfully Cody's time at nursery school is flexible enough to let him come and go as he needs to.
He then returns by 12 Noon for lunch, where he is put back into his high chair and re-bibbed. Lunch usually consists of 2 sippy cups of formula and macaroni and cheese, spaghetti-os or fish sticks. After lunch, he is cleaned up and I check his pants for an accident. An accident means he gets a new set of training pants plus vinyl pants put on top of them. His teeth are brushed and he is put on the potty for 5 minutes. Cody then leaves for nursery school by 12:30. This is where the afternoon nap could take place because he is already home and the time if right.
He then returns home from nursery school by 4:30 PM. He's pants are checked again for signs of pee-pees or poo-poos and is changed only into new training pants, if so. He watches videos, colors, or plays with his
toys till 6:00 PM. We have dinner which for him is usually one of his favorite meals plus another sippy cup of formula (he's a growing boy).
After that, I clean him up and we will usually play and talk with each other until 8:00 PM. At 8:00 PM his training pants are removed and he is put back into diapers and a t-shirt. He then goes to his quiet-time room to wind-down for the day. This is a simple room that let's him play with low-intensity toys (coloring, puzzles, blankie, stuffed animal, etc.) It also has a CD player that plays only soothing music (those Baby-Go-To-Sleep CDs work incredibly well on him, BTW). By 9:00, sometimes earlier, he is led off to bed for sleepy time.
Sorry to draw this out so long, but I wanted to let you know about the regular schedule he has become acclimated to. Do you think it would be disruptive to his sleep schedule to include a 1.5 hour afternoon nap from 12:30 to 2:00 PM? "Nursery school" won't be problem, but he'll have to stay up there later to make up for lost time. That probably only eats into his 4:30 to 6:00 fun time (he already doesn't like the sound of
this, but Mommy knows best). What might concern me the most is this causing him to go to bed at later times or him waking up earlier in the morning. I draw the line at my little one staying up later than 9-ish, but wouldn't have as much of a problem if he was up earlier.
Any suggestions?
Thanks we appreciate it,
Mama Jerri
From what you've said, at 7:00 AM after his morning wash, dressing and breakfast, Cody is still drowsy. That would indicate to me that if he was woken at 5:00 AM and left for nursery school at 6:00 AM, he'd be so drowsy that he'd almost certainly fall asleep at nursery school. Since this is frowned upon by nursery schools of the type which your toddler is attending, the only other choice is to take the nap between 12:30 PM and 2:00 PM and then have him stay at nursery school longer. Mama can't but help but think that your toddler's afternoon nap will make him more playful and productive at nursery school. My own toddler has several diseases of the spine and sometimes has to come home and rest a little bit from time-to-time if his back gets too painful. After a one hour nap, he feels much better and goes back to nursery school feeling less stressed out and more physically able to handle the demands of nursery play. His nursery school, as I imagine that your toddler attends, does not tolerate cranky or fussy toddlers.
I know that Cody will fuss about taking a nap because he will have to stay at the nursery school a little longer, but medical authorities have stated repeatedly that both toddlers and adults feel and function better with an afternoon nap.
If Cody is so unhappy because he doesn't have any fun at his nursery school such that he needs a extra long period of play to unwind, perhaps another nursery school where he is happier is in order.
If you do adopt a later schedule, you can save time if you feed him the minute he comes home and afterwards clean and diaper him. You could also get him up fifteen minutes earlier (5:45 AM) and let him go to sleep fifteen minutes later (9:15 PM) since he had an afternoon nap and let him color, play with his toys and watch videos for 30 minutes in his diapers after dinner before talking/playing with you for the customary period, then going to his "quiet room" to get ready to go nite-nite.
I agree with you that his Mommy's decision is final and that an afternoon nap is probably best for Cody. Thanks for providing Cody's full schedule with feeding, cleaning and diapering times. It made it very much easier to give you advice.
Give Cody a big Hug and Kiss from Mama Jenn!
Mama Jenn
Postscriptum: Thanks for supplying a daily regimen for an Adult Toddler for all of the Mommies' of Adult Toddlers among my readers. You sound like you've created a very workable schedule for an Adult Toddler.
Mama Jenn
